The goal of life is to be successful AND happy at work AND at home.
Short of this, there is neither success, nor happiness.”
– Dr. John Schinnerer

The goal of life is to be successful AND happy at work AND at home. Short of this, there is neither success, nor happiness.”
– Dr. John Schinnerer

Learn proven tools to perform at your peak from the boardroom to the bedroom.

Dr. John Schinnerer (“Shin-er-er”) is the coach for you if…

  • you grew up thinking that to be a man meant you’re invulnerable, unfeeling, self-reliant, a team of one, a good provider, stoic, silent, and only as good as your last success.
  • somewhere along the way, you lost your confidence, mojo or swagger.
  • most of your conversations at home end in arguments or with a resentful “Yes, dear.”
  • you can count the number of times in the past 6 months you’ve had sex (with your spouse) on one hand.
  • you are spending extra time away from home because your home life is unpleasant, tense or volatile.
  • you want to rediscover the passion, happiness, and ease you had with your spouse years ago.
  • you feel like you are just going through the motions.
  • you do not routinely feel pride, joy, excitement, relaxation, awesome, contentment and love.
  • your spouse would describe you as irritable, distant, defensive or disconnected.
  • you have achieved success at work but still feel unfulfilled, numb or unhappy.
  • your climb up the corporate ladder has stalled.
  • you struggle inspiring and leading your team at work.
  • your command and control leadership style isn’t as effective as you’d hoped.

“How we are socialized as men impacts everything we do. Yet, how we are socialized is not our fault. However, it is our responsibility to learn new tools to be at our best in all our relationships.”

-Dr. John

Hi, I’m Dr. John and I am so glad you found your way here today.

It’s no accident you’re here. If you’re anything like me, you learned at a young age how to wear masks – masks to save face, to hide how you feel, to stave off embarrassment, to show no pain, to portray invulnerability, coolness and omnipotence. Perhaps you’ve also realized that these masks have kept you from living an authentic, happy, inspiring, purposeful and connected life. After 50 years of trial and error and studying with the best teachers in the world, I’ve condensed these learnings into a simple process which I can teach to you for greater success and happiness at work and at home. The framework is easy – success and happiness have to do with The 4 Pillars of Relationships:

  1. Relationship to Self
  2. Relationship to Others
  3. Relationship to Work
  4. Relationship to Something Larger Than Self
Work with Me

Build a Foundation of Awareness – Positive Present

Without an awareness of what is truly going on, there is no forward progress. You cannot change that of which you are not aware. Many people continue to behave in the same, habitual, destructive ways because they are not aware of their own dynamics and behaviors. Part of the reason for this is that our minds habitually take us to the negative past or the negative future. One study shows that we spend more than 50% of our time in the past or future. And this wandering mind is associated with greater misery. What’s more, the more time you spend on the top half of the framework above, in the positive past, present and future, the happier and more satisfied you are.

Tools: Mindfulness, attentional training.

Realistic Optimism – Positive Present

Studies show that one of the foundations of happiness and success is reducing learned helplessness and increasing realistic optimism. Only one occupation thrives on greater pessimism — attorneys. However, attorneys aren’t taught to turn off the pessimistic lens when they come home from work, so it negatively impacts their personal relationships. The vast majority of us are better served learning to be appropriately optimistic. Training the mind to be more realistically optimistic means learning specific ways to interpret successes as well as difficulties. This leads to greater happiness, creativity and motivation. Greater happiness has profound effects on how you show up for your relationships at home and at work. Studies have shown that greater happiness leads to greater success (and not the other way around).

Tools: Realistic optimism, mindfulness, savoring, nonjudgmentalness.

Develop a Positive Future

Stop wasting energy on worry, anxiety, and stress by habitually dwelling on a negative future. Worry is a misuse of imagination. So it becomes critical to train your mind to focus on what you want to be, how you want to be, where you want to be and with whom you want to be in the future. This gives your unconscious mind a goal to work towards. A positive future instills hope, optimism, drive and satisfaction with life.

Tools: Best possible you exercise, Ideal self exercise, identifying top values.

Learn to Manage Negative Emotions

Learn specific tools to manage the negative past to reduce depression, sadness, and guilt. Learn tools to manage the negative present to reduce pessimism. And learn how to spend less time in the negative future to reduce your anxiety, stress, and anger. One of the hallmarks of a happy, thriving life is feeling three times as much positive emotion as negative emotion. To do this, you need to begin to turn down the frequency and intensity of your negative emotions.

Tools: Mindset training, cognitive reframing, forgiveness training, perspective training, realistic optimism training, stress management, anger management, challenge negative thoughts, quiet the “annoying roommate” in your head, sympathetic vs. parasympathetic nervous systems.

Cultivate More Frequent Positive Emotions

In order to make progress towards a 3:1 ratio of positive to negative emotions, you must learn how to cultivate more frequent positive emotions. There are proven tools to do just this thanks to positive psychology.

Tools: Savoring, 3 levels of gratitude, compassion, self-compassion, metta, awareness of hope, awe, curiosity, pride, joy, love, contentment, mudita, nachos, schadenfreude, and more.

Improve Communication Skills

While you know how to speak and listen, communication is an art that is improved with training and practice. Learning how to communicate effectively with your spouse is a key to a happy home life. Learning how to communicate effectively with those at work is key to a successful work life.

Tools: Appropriate assertiveness, slow startup, requests vs. complaints vs. criticisms, capitalizing, bids for attention, peak performance word, effective arguing, repair attempts, Four Horsemen, small things often, two types of conversation, turning towards vs. turning away, relational heroism, the language of appreciation and more.

Manage People More Effectively

Many executives need a bit of shoring up in the areas of motivation, communication and stress management. Bob was no exception. He was eager to learn tools to make him more effective with those he managed.

Tools: Effective story-telling using emotions to build rapport, empathy, vulnerability, relaxation techniques, slow startup, languages of appreciation, focus on the positive, holding employees accountable with compassion, staying calm in heated conversations.

Contact Dr. John

Clients come to me because they want positive, sustainable change — at home and at work. You need happiness, purpose, and satisfaction at home AND at work for a truly contented and satisfying life.

Give me a call at (925) 575-0258 or email DrJohn {@} GuideToSelf.com to discover your peak performance and greater happiness.

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