How to Be a Better Man: The 7-Part EVOLVED Framework for Modern Masculinity

How to Be a Better Man: The 7-Part EVOLVED Framework for Modern Masculinity

How to Be a Better Man: The 7-Part EVOLVED Framework for Modern Masculinity Most men I work with don’t need another motivational quote. They don’t need a cold plunge challenge or a 4 AM alarm clock. They need a framework — something real, evidence-based,...
Is America Having a Nervous System Breakdown?

Is America Having a Nervous System Breakdown?

I need to start with a confession. I’m not interested in winning political arguments anymore. I’m interested in lowering the emotional temperature of this country. Because the background hum in America right now doesn’t feel like healthy disagreement. It feels like a...
Has Politics Hijacked Your Nervous System?

Has Politics Hijacked Your Nervous System?

Why So Many Men Feel Chronically On Edge—and What Actually Helps If you’ve felt irritable, restless, impatient, or constantly on edge, you’re not alone. NOTE: You can listen to the full podcast episode here on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find your podcasts. If...
Why Do Men Get Defensive When They Are Wrong?

Why Do Men Get Defensive When They Are Wrong?

Why Do Men Get Annoyed When We Are In The Wrong? Your nervous system isn’t “bad”—it’s just convinced you’re under attack. This morning I was driving through my gym parking lot when a guy cut me off—hard—while speeding through an unprotected left turn like he was...
What Does Science Say Men Get Wrong About Sex and Intimacy?

What Does Science Say Men Get Wrong About Sex and Intimacy?

Sex, Desire & Intimacy: What Science Says Men Get Wrong Sexually – You’re Not Broken. You’re Just Under-Informed. What the science of sex (and the Kinsey Institute) says that most men never got taught. Most of us learned about sex from a toxic curriculum...
Can Loving-Kindness Meditation Build Calm and Self-Worth in Men?

Can Loving-Kindness Meditation Build Calm and Self-Worth in Men?

A practical, science-backed meditation for men who want more calm, more grit, and less “why am I so damn reactive?” If you hear “lovingkindness meditation” and your brain immediately goes, “Cool, so we’re all wearing linen pants now?!”—stay with me. Lovingkindness...
Why Do Couples Keep Having the Same Fight?

Why Do Couples Keep Having the Same Fight?

One of the most common things we see in relationships isn’t a lack of love or commitment—it’s a lack of emotional literacy. Two people can care deeply about each other and still end up stuck in cycles of misunderstanding, distance, or conflict. Not because they’re...

Can Psilocybin and MDMA Transform Men’s Mental Health?

Beyond Healing: Psychedelics Mark A New Frontier in Men’s Mental Health Dr. John Schinnerer  GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com  Men today are at a crossroads. Rates of depression, anxiety, addiction, and loneliness among men are climbing....

How Do Emotions Shape Your Life? What 50 Years of Research Shows

Dr. John Schinnerer  | GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com | What if your emotional patterns at age 5 could predict your relationships, career trajectory, mental health, and even your lifespan? That’s not a punchline—it’s the insight at the...
What Is the One Skill Every Man Needs for Purpose and Happiness?

What Is the One Skill Every Man Needs for Purpose and Happiness?

By Dr. John Schinnerer | GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com   “What the hell am I feeling… and why does it matter?” If you’re like most men raised in Western culture, you’ve probably been taught to ignore, suppress, or power...

Why Do I Avoid Difficult Conversations, Uncomfortable Emotions and Self-Reflection?

Dr. John Schinnerer  GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com  Avoidance. That sneaky little bastard that convinces you scrolling Instagram is somehow more important than feeling your feelings… having that tough conversation… or, God forbid,...

How Do I Get My Husband to Try Couples Counseling?

You Want to Feel Closer. He Just Wants to Avoid Feeling Attacked. You bring up couples counseling… He shuts down, changes the subject, or says, “We’re fine.” Sound familiar? If your bid for deeper connection is met with resistance, sarcasm, or silence—you are...

What Does a Love Letter From an Anxiously Attached Partner Sound Like?

To my love: I’ve started and stopped writing this letter more times than I can count. Every time I try to find the words, I get scared—scared of saying too much, of being too much. But silence has only ever made the ache louder, and I don’t want to keep hiding what’s...
What Does a Love Letter From an Avoidantly Attached Man Sound Like?

What Does a Love Letter From an Avoidantly Attached Man Sound Like?

By Dr. John Schinnerer | GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net  My Dearest Love, There are words I should have spoken long ago—words buried in the quiet spaces between us. I know that in those silences, my emotional distance may have made you question your value. And...

How Do You Take Other People’s Moods Less Personally?

What’s the biggest gift you can give your loved ones? Help them to take your bad moods less personally. Thirty years ago, the wisest professor I had at UC Berkeley, Meji Singh, dropped this truth bomb on me: “John, we make the mistake of taking 95% of what other...

What Is the Difference Between Stress and Burnout?

Stress vs. Overwhelm vs. Burnout: What’s The Difference? Ah, burnout—when your soul starts buffering and never quite loads. Burnout isn’t just being tired. It’s a full-body, full-mind, full-spirit crash-and-burn brought on by chronic stress, often from work,...

What Are the Best Podcasts for Women Over 35?

Top 10 Podcasts Every Woman Over 35 Should Be Listening To Something shifts after 35. Maybe it’s the subtle (or not-so-subtle) realization that life is speeding up—or that you’ve been living parts of it on autopilot. Maybe your kids are growing, your relationships are...

What Are the Best Podcasts for Love and Relationships in 2025?

Top 10 Podcasts for Navigating Love and Relationships in 2025 (Without Losing Your Mind) Let’s be real: Love is beautiful, messy, confusing, exhilarating—and occasionally makes you want to hide under the covers until further notice. Whether you’re in a long-term...

What Are the Best Podcasts for Men Who Want to Evolve?

Top 10 Podcasts Every Man Should Be Listening To (Unless You Enjoy Being Emotionally Constipated) Or, The Top Podcasts for Men Let’s face it — your brain is a hot mess of thoughts, your emotional intelligence was last seen somewhere around 9th grade health class, and...

What Are Bids for Attention and Why Do They Matter in Relationships?

Bids for Attention: How to Not Emotionally Ghost Your Partner (and End Up Lonely with a Dog That Judges You) By Dr. John Schinnerer, your friendly neighborhood shrink and emotional survival guide GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com   ...

What Is the Man Box and Why Does It Make Men Emotionally Unavailable?

Let’s talk about dudes. Manfolk. Bros. Gentlemen. Kings. Whatever you call yourself, chances are, if you were born with a Y chromosome and grew up on this planet, you got stuffed into The Man Box before you could spell “testosterone.” I’ve been working with men for...

What Is Authentic Masculinity? Why Every Man Is Hiding Behind a Mask

“Dude, Take Off the Mask” — Authentic Masculinity and the Secret Every Man’s Hiding Dr. John Schinnerer | GuideToSelf.com | TheEvolvedCaveman.com | LoveIsntEnough.net  You ever feel like you’re faking it? Like you’re showing up to the world in some Frankenstein...

How Do You Reclaim Your Needs Without Feeling Selfish? (People Pleasing Part 3)

By Dr. John Schinnerer  LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com | GuideToSelf.com | JoreeRose.com | MindfulnessAndTherapyCenter.com Alright, you beautiful recovering doormat—you made it to Part 3 of how to stop being a people pleaser. Gold star for you! In Part 1,...

Why Does People Pleasing Lead to Conflict and Resentment? (Part 2)

By Dr. John Schinnerer  LoveIsntEnough.net | GuideToSelf.com | JoreeRose.com Welcome back, brave soul. Here is how you can stop being a people pleaser!  If you survived Part 1, where we sliced open the people pleasing beast and poked at its guts (a.k.a. crappy...

Are You Everyone’s Emotional Janitor? How to Stop People Pleasing (Part 1)

By Dr. John Schinnerer How to stop being a people pleaser! Let’s be real –: people pleasing is emotional self-sabotage disguised as kindness. You think you’re being generous. You think you’re the “good guy” (or girl). But underneath all that agreeable surface is...

What Do Older Men Wish They Knew by Age 30? 20+ Regrets

Old Dudes. Big Regrets. Savage Wisdom Every Young Man Needs to Hear. I’m a big fan of asking our elders the good stuff. Not just “what was gas priced at?” kind of stuff. I mean real, soul-level, holy-crap-why-didn’t-someone-tell-me-this kind of stuff. Partly,...

Why Is Anger Management So Hard for Men? A Science-Based Guide

By Dr. John Schinnerer | GuideToSelf.com |  LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com  Let’s cut to the truth—anger is killing your relationships, realtionships at work and at home, and in many cases, it’s doing so quietly and consistently. Unchecked anger is the...

Is Jealousy Destroying Your Relationship?

Dr. John Schinnerer Jealousy in a relationship is like a smoke alarm—meant to signal danger, but sometimes it just goes off because you burned the toast. It’s not always about what’s actually happening; it’s often about fear, insecurity, or old emotional baggage...

How Do I Survive My Divorce? Best Tips for Men Going Through Divorce

By Dr. John Schinnerer I  survived a difficult divorce. I have eight years of training in mental health. I coach men in the best ways to survive divorce and thrive following divorce. So, in many ways, I am uniquely qualified to put forth some critical tips to help you...

What Does a Psychologist Do When Feeling Depressed? Honest Tips

Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide To Self Depression is the world’s worst houseguest. It shows up uninvited, eats all your emotional snacks, drains your energy, steals what you once enjoyed and then whispers, “You’ll never feel better again, loser.” Oh, and it tries to...

Is Anger Destroying Your Health and Your Life? Here’s What to Do

By Dr. John Schinnerer GuideToSelf.com  | TheEvolvedCaveman.com  | LoveIsntEnough.net Let’s not sugarcoat it — life gives us all plenty of reasons to lose our sh*t. Someone cuts you off in traffic. Your kid wipes peanut butter on your suede jacket. The barista spells...

Do Men Really Feel Emotions? The Truth About Men and Emotional Intelligence

By Dr. John Schinnerer | GuideToSelf.com | TheEvolvedCaveman.com Let’s just call it out: the stereotype that men are less emotional than women? Total BS. The truth? We feel just as much—we’ve just been trained since kindergarten not to show it unless it involves a...

What Is the Secret to a Happier Life? The Habit We Practice Least

By Dr. John Schinnerer   GuideToSelf.com | LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com  Let’s be real—between the stress, annoyance, and collective burnout we’re all wading through, just about everyone could use a serious happiness upgrade. And here’s the upside:...

Is People-Pleasing Killing Your Sex Life and Your Relationship?

By Dr. John Schinnerer GuideToSelf.com LoveIsntEnough.net Let’s get real for a second: many of us—especially the chronic overachievers and conflict-avoiders—suck at setting boundaries. We say “yes” when we mean “no way,” all in the name of being liked, loved, or at...

Why Was Dr. John Schinnerer Named Best Executive Coach of the Year?

Voted Best Executive Coach in Danville — Dr. John Schinnerer Big thanks to everyone who voted! Dr. John Schinnerer of Guide to Self was honored as Best Executive Coach in Danville. Your support means the world. Want to work with Dr. John? Visit his High Performer Shop...

How Do You Get Your Husband to Go to Couples Therapy?

How To Get Your Husband To Go To Marriage Therapy Dr. John Schinnerer LoveIsntEnough.net  GuideToSelf.com  “How can I get my husband to go to couples counseling?!” This is one of the most common questions I get as a couples therapist. Helping a husband get...

Why Is Ego Death a Worthy Goal for Personal Growth?

THE DEATH YOU NEED (BUT DON’T WANT): WHY YOUR EGO IS WRECKING YOUR LIFE AND HOW TO BURY IT Let’s talk about ego death. Yeah, I know—it sounds like some woo-woo nonsense touted by a bearded guy in a long linen robe at a Burning Man drum circle. But stick with me here,...

Is Chronic Stress Destroying Your Life and Your Relationships?

Let’s talk about something we all deal with but most of us don’t manage well: chronic stress. You know, that constant, low-grade tension that never really goes away? The feeling that you’ve got 87 tabs open in your brain, and every time you close one, three more pop...

How Do Core Wounds Show Up in Your Relationship?

How To Navigate Your Core Wounds In Relationship Like An Expert Couples Counselor What’s the best way to strengthen your connection in your romantic relationship and navigate through the complexities of your deepest core emotional wounds? Join top couples...
Why Isn’t Love Enough for the Relationship You Want?

Why Isn’t Love Enough for the Relationship You Want?

This is the transcript from the first episode of Love Isn’t Enough, the new podcast from Joree Rose, LMFT and Dr. John Schinnerer. This podcast seeks to teach couples the skills, tools and awarenesses we need to feel safe and secure in relationship with the...
How Do You Grow Beyond Love in a Relationship?

How Do You Grow Beyond Love in a Relationship?

Hello, courageous readers. It’s Dr. John Schinnerer here, and I’m thrilled to share insights from our latest episode of the Evolved Caveman podcast with the remarkable Joree Rose. Today, we’re delving deep into the intricacies of relationships and...

Why Does Your Productivity Suck Right Now? How to Manage High Stress

By Dr. John Schinnerer (Note: There are free audio meditation files down below in this article. Just click on the link to get yours.) A client of mine went through a brutal divorce recently. His wife dragged them into litigation for three years, at a cost of over...
Why Would Men Rather Shock Themselves Than Be Alone With Their Thoughts?

Why Would Men Rather Shock Themselves Than Be Alone With Their Thoughts?

Men Would Rather Shock Themselves Than Be Alone With Their Thoughts. Is It Any Wonder We’re Struggling With Shelter-In-Place? By Dr. John Schinnerer “My mind is a bad neighborhood that I try not to go into alone.” Anne Lamott Men Would Rather Shock Themselves Than Be...

How Does Tragedy Mask the Opportunity for Growth?

Tragedy masks the opportunity for growth. The surest way out of untenable situations is to change your perspective and view your situation as a #challenge to to which you are meant to rise. Challenge yourself by asking,”What am I supposed to learn from this?“ Your...

What Are the Top 20 Habits of Highly Successful People?

Clients frequently ask me about the daily habits of gritty, resilient individuals. “What skills can I learn to be more resilient and successful?”, they ask. So here it is – the list of the top 20 habits for success, resiliency and happiness… Practice Gratitude....
How Do You Hold On to Hope in Difficult Times?

How Do You Hold On to Hope in Difficult Times?

By Dr. John Schinnerer The opposite of depression isn’t happiness. It is hope. So how do we nourish hope in these trying times of COVID-19 and shelter in place orders? One of the best things about the mind is the ability to look towards a positive future. However,...

Why Was Dr. John Schinnerer Named Best Executive Coach of the Year?

Dr. John Schinnerer (Guide To Self) was recently voted Best Executive Coach in Danville for 2020. Thank you so much for your continued support and encouragement. Please listen to Dr. John’s new podcast, The Evolved Caveman, found on every podcasting platform...

How Do You Become Both Happy and Successful as a Man?

Dr. John Schinnerer Executive Summary: A recent study (The Harry’s Masculinity Report, USA) looked at which factors are the most important for wellbeing and happiness for American men. Answers from 5,000 men indicate that happiness is predicated on the following (in...

How Does Man Box Culture Hurt Your Relationships?

How does being raised in the Man Box Culture impact us as grown men in our relationships? There are a number of possible ways we are affected based on the unspoken rules we learn as boys. These rules are often handed down by the alpha male in our tribes, friends,...

How Does Male Socialization Damage Men’s Relationships?

Dr. John Schinnerer It was the second half of the varsity high school soccer game. The game was tied 1-1. Play had just been stopped by the referee – injury timeout. I was laying on the ground, writhing in pain after having just been elbowed in the temple by a...
How Do You Empty Your Backpack of Anger?

How Do You Empty Your Backpack of Anger?

I got an email today from a woman whose husband is estranged from their daughter. The daughter is demanding that he take anger management classes before he can see the grandchildren. Here is part of my response… Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know how...

What Are the Best Ways to Reduce Anger? Interview With Dr. John Schinnerer

Here it is – the worldwide release of the much-anticipated interview of anger management expert, Dr. John Schinnerer, by Paul Averill of the ManBits Podcast. Just click below to listen! And if you need more help with anger, irritability and possibly depression,...
What Is the Easiest and Most Powerful Tool to Save Your Marriage?

What Is the Easiest and Most Powerful Tool to Save Your Marriage?

Dr. John Schinnerer What if I were to tell you there are secrets, scientifically proven tools, that will help strengthen your marriage? Would you be interested? As it happens, there are proven tools that you can learn to improve your marriage. And this same tool, that...

What Are 8 Surprising Books That Will Help You Win at Life?

I love to read. I read – a lot. As a result, many people ask me “What should I read?” And, truly, it’s a tough question. Where are you at now? Where would you like to go? What are you trying to accomplish? Become happier? Build a business?...
How Do You Let Go of Anger? An Expert’s Top 5 Tools

How Do You Let Go of Anger? An Expert’s Top 5 Tools

  “I am right, damnit. I am right and she will know it before I am done.” Your energy surges. You feel powerful, justified, electric. Your mind quickly calculates every argument to defend your position and undermine hers. Blood rushes to your fists to prepare you...

How Do You Manage Stress Once and For All?

Dr. John shares the latest and best tools to turn down the volume on stress – new ways to think about stress, tools to interpret stress more productively, 2 different types of stress, and how to deal with it when it arises. For more of the latest info on how to...

How Can Cultivating Awe Boost Creativity and Inner Peace?

Why Should You Be Grateful to Be Alive Right Now?

What Did Dr. John Schinnerer Say About Anger in U.S. News & World Report?

What Did Dr. John Schinnerer Say About Anger in U.S. News & World Report?

Dr. John was honored and humbled to be included extensively in an article on anger and health in U.S. News and World Report by Michael Schroeder. Here is a link to the article on the U.S. News site…...
What Are the Top 3 Ways to Handle Anger in a Relationship?

What Are the Top 3 Ways to Handle Anger in a Relationship?

By Dr. John Schinnerer Guide To Self.com  How do you best deal with your anger? And what happens when those methods don’t work? Some of the traditional tools for processing anger include exercise, yoga, mindfulness or breathing deeply. These are classic tools to deal...
Why Are 24% of Girls Depressed at Age 14? What the Research Shows

Why Are 24% of Girls Depressed at Age 14? What the Research Shows

  From ScienceDaily.com September 21, 2017   Summary: New research from University of Liverpool reports that a quarter of girls (24%) and one in 10 boys (9%) are depressed at age 14.   Researchers from the University of Liverpool and University College...
Can Thinking Less Actually Make You Happier?

Can Thinking Less Actually Make You Happier?

Dr. John Schinnerer GuideToSelf.com. WebAngerManagement.com My parents were really big on academics. I learned to do well in school as a child in an attempt to make my parents proud. Along the way, I learned to think.  I became very good at thinking. By the 7th grade,...

How Can Mindfulness Help You Manage Anger?

Manage Your Anger with Mindfulness Anger is a normal, human feeling. Anger, in and of itself, is not destructive. Anger serves us. It demands our attention when our health is in danger, when a boundary has been crossed, or when someone takes advantage of us....

How Do Anger and Stress Damage Your Heart?

Frequent Anger and Stress Damage Your Heart So We Must Learn Methods to Manage Them   I recently received this email from a man in my online anger management class… ‘Dear Dr. John: Your online anger management class has been extremely  helpful to me. The...

What Are 20 Surprising Habits of Successful Executives?

Clients frequently ask me about the daily habits of successful C-level executives. “What skills can I learn to be more productive and happy?”, they ask. So, based on 20 years of coaching top executives and intellectuals, here is my list of the most compelling habits...

How Do You Protect Yourself From High Empathy in Online Dating?

Since my divorce, I have become increasingly curious about dating and relationships.  What types of men are most successful in landing first dates? What types of men are most successful in maintaining successful relationships?   And what can we learn from both? I talk...

Why Are Angry Employees More Likely to Behave Unethically?

Most people would agree angry employees are bad for business. But why? A new study from UA’s Eller College of Management reports that angry workers are more likely to behave unethically more often. While guilty workers tend to act more ethically. So when hiring...

How Can Improv Comedy Teach You a Powerful Happiness Habit?

By Dr. John Schinnerer Don’t you love comedy? I love stand-up comedy. There are few better feelings than laughing until your sides ache.  My appreciation for improv has grown over the past several years, especially after seeing live improv at the local high school.  I...

Why Is the Depression Rate 24% Among NCAA Student Athletes?

From the study abstract… There are approximately 400,000 National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) student athletes and 5 – 7 million high school student athletes competing each year. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, the...

How Does the Sound of Your Voice Impact Your Mood?

The sound of you voice impacts your mood January 11, 2016 Have you ever listened to a depressed person speak? Monotone. Slow paced. Lacking confidence. No excitement or urgency. Now imagine the voice of a happy person – faster rate, higher pitch, excited, and...

What Are the Most Effective Treatments for Each Type of Anxiety?

Effective Treatments for Every Type of Anxiety How Can I Get Rid of Anxiety? Millions of people are searching for an answer to this very question. If you are one of them, you are in the right place! A certain degree of anxiety and worry is normal and even helpful....

What Are the Top Scientifically-Proven Tools to Reduce Anxiety?

How Can I Get Rid of Anxiety? Top Tips to Get Rid of Anxiety Dr. John Schinnerer Many clients have asked me ‘How can I get rid of anxiety?’ It’s a question that burns within everyone who has dealt with panic attacks or sporadic anxiety. Anxiety is painful and...

How Did Dr. John Schinnerer Add Depth to Pixar’s Inside Out?

Dr. John Schinnerer provided expert consultation to Pixar’s new hit, Inside Out. Dr. John Schinnerer Added Scientific Advice to Inside Out When UC Berkeley-trained educational psychologist, Dr. John Schinnerer, attended the premiere of the record-breaking Pixar...