Dr. John Schinnerer, Guide To Self
Depression is the world’s worst houseguest. It shows up uninvited, eats all your emotional snacks, drains your energy, steals what you once enjoyed and then whispers, “You’ll never feel better again, loser.” Oh, and it tries to convince you that you’re the only sad sack on the planet who’s ever felt this bad.
Spoiler alert: That’s total crap.
According to a 2023 Gallup poll, depression rates have spiked compared to a decade ago. Around 21 million American adults have had at least one major depressive episode. Nearly 18% of US adults report currently having depression (a significant increase from previous years). 22% of US adults had been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lives. That’s not rare—that’s basically a nationwide group chat titled “Yep, Me Too.”
Depression doesn’t care how old you are, what bits you were born with, or whether you drive a teal Range Rover. It can hit anyone, anytime, anywhere. Genetics, your environment, chronic stress, medical issues, toxic relationships, the full moon—it’s all fair game. So no, it’s not your fault. As a shrink, I have suffered several bouts of depression in my life. So if you find yourself spiraling into a forlorn funk, here’s what I do to climb out of my moody black hole ASAP.
1. I Stop Emotionally Gaslighting Myself
When depression hits, your inner critic turns into a jackass with a megaphone. “Why do I feel like this? I shouldn’t feel like this. Other people have it way worse.” Sound familiar?
Here’s your permission slip: It’s OK to feel like shit. It’s ok to be sad. Self-compassion isn’t weakness. It’s strength. Acknowledge that you’re hurting. Then say to yourself, “Even now, I’m still a good person just going through a tough time. It will pass.”
You wouldn’t scream at a flower for drooping without water. Don’t do it to yourself. Water your damn emotional garden.
2. I Reconnect With My Inner 8-Year-Old Weirdo
Remember when fun didn’t require Google glasses, a vacation or a bottle of wine? Think skateboards, gazing at the clouds, building blanket forts, throwing a ball around, playing in a sandbox—whatever lit you up as a kid.
Bring some of that energy back. These small throwback moments can wake up your joy-starved soul. Bonus: no adulting required.
3. I Set Ridiculously Simple, Self-Compassionate Goals
When you’re depressed, brushing your teeth can feel like climbing Everest. So don’t shoot for “win the day.” Go for “survive the next 30 minutes.” Aim for “I’ll go to the gym and stretch.” Target “I’ll go walk for 5 minutes.”
Start small. “Get out of the house.” Doesn’t matter if it’s for a latte, a grocery run, or contemplating your navel in the grass. The goal is movement. Human contact. A whiff of outside air. Dare to dip a toe outside the cave.
4. I Journal What I’m Feeling
Journaling isn’t just for angsty teenage girls. Writing your mental mess gets it out of your head. Science even backs it up—it lowers stress, anxiety, leaves your troubles behind and can boost mood.
Think of your journal as a mental barf bag. Dump it all in there. No grammar rules. No filters. Just truth. Then make sure no one can stumble across it!
5. I Move My Body, Even a Little
Look, I get it. Exercise is the last thing you want to do when your brain feels like a raincloud. But here’s the truth: movement = mood magic. It forces you out of your head and into your body. Even if it’s just walking to the mailbox like a zombie.
You don’t need a six-pack or a CrossFit addiction. Just get your heart rate up enough to remind yourself you’re not entirely made of sadness. Get the blood moving.
6. I Touch Grass. Literally.
Nature is the ultimate antidepressant (and no co-pay required). Sit under a tree. Walk around the block. Lie in the sun like a lizard. Breathe in the fresh air. It’s about putting the madness of modern life in perspective and reconnecting with nature.
A bad day in nature beats a good day in a fluorescent-lit office cubicle every damn time. Science backs it up.
7. I Binge Nostalgia
Sometimes the answer is not deep therapy—it’s reruns of Friends. Or The Office. Or whatever show makes you feel like it’s 2003 and your biggest problem was picking a MySpace song.
Comfort TV works because it gives your brain a rest from the unknown. You know what’s coming. And that predictability? Kinda soothing.
8. I Reach Out Instead of Checking Out
Depression whispers, “No one wants to hear your crap. Don’t be a burden.” That’s a lie. One great antidote to despair is connection.
Text a friend. Call your mom. Pet a dog. Even saying “hi” to the barista counts. You’re not meant to do this alone—and trying to will only make things worse.
9. I Get My Ass to Therapy
If you had pneumonia, you’d see a doctor. Depression is no different. Therapy is not weakness. It’s strength.
Even therapists go to therapy. (Yes, seriously.) Book the appointment. Build the relationship before you’re in full crisis mode. And if you need a starting point, hit up someone like Dr. John Schinnerer (me!) or Joree Rose, LMFT. We’ve got your back.
10. I Avoid Emotional Landmines
Here’s the deal: some stuff will make you feel worse. Your drunk uncle. Doomscrolling. News rants. Three glasses of wine followed by sad Adele songs. Your favorite team losing. Not today, Satan.
Start noticing what drags you lower—and cut it. No guilt. No explanation needed.
11. I Don’t Wait to “Feel Better” Before Taking Action
Waiting for motivation is like waiting for a unicorn with a silver bow. It ain’t coming.
You gotta reverse-engineer it. Take action first, feeling follows. You don’t need to want to go for a walk—you just need to start walking. Future You will be thankful you did.
12. I Use Medication When Needed—No Shame Required
Sometimes your brain needs a little pharmaceutical assist. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re smart enough to get support. I’ve been on meds before. Hell, I’m still on ‘em. They help (most of us!).
Just like glasses help your vision, medication can help your mood. And honestly, that’s a win. If you’ve tried antidepressants and found them useless, take a look at the research on psychedelic healing for treatment reistant depression. Psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms) has been found to be more effective, more quickly for many folks than antidepressants.
13. Irritability = Depression In Men
When we guys get depressed, it doesn’t show up as sadness, tears and watching bad romcoms with a box of kleenex. Depression in men shows it’s head as impatience, irritability, externalizing blame onto everyone else, and social isolation. So everytime you find yourself in a pissy, irritable mood, ask yourself, “Is it possible I’m actually depressed and hopeless?” “Does it feel as if nothing I do matters?” “Do I beleive that nothing can help me get out of this shitty mood?” If you answer yes to any of these, you may be depressed. That’s ok. Men get depressed too. Depression doesn’t give a f*ck what bathroom you use. It’s an equal opportunity destroyer. The first step is awareness.
Final Thought: Beating Yourself Up Doesn’t Work
You can’t bully yourself into joy. You can’t guilt-trip your way out of depression. So stop trying.
Be kind. Be curious. Be gentle.
And remember, even when it feels like the darkness is winning, there are tools, people, and practices that work. You’re not broken. You’re human. Let’s evolve together.
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