By Dr. John Schinnerer
The opposite of depression isn’t happiness. It is hope. So how do we nourish hope in these trying times of COVID-19 and shelter in place orders?
One of the best things about the mind is the ability to look towards a positive future. However, there is a dark side to this gift. Your mind can take you to a negative future rather than a good one. This leads to worry, stress, anxiety, and irritability. During this period of isolation, we have to be keenly aware of our emotional state so we don’t succumb to long-term depression or irritability.
You must make a decision about how you are going to deal with this unprecedented difficulty. Will you rise to the occasion and seek to harbor the strength of post-traumatic growth? Or will you give in to fear and depression, getting hooked by a negative future?
If you want to learn to train your mind, you have come to the right place as I’m going to share with you one of the best tools to overcome the mind’s bias towards a negative future — the cultivation of hope.
What Is Hope?
Hope comes into play when circumstances are dire and there is considerable uncertainty about the future (sounds familiar!). Hope is based on the belief that things can change and that YOU can change. Hope is not denial. Hope is not simplistic positive thinking. Hope is not painting over problems.
Hope means coming up with an alternative pathway to attain a goal. It means seeing the future as pregnant with possibility. Hope is derived from the future POSSIBILITY of accomplishing your goals.
Hope is a choice; a decision. It is not an emotion over which we have no control. Hope is about how you want to BE in the world during these uncertain times. It is about you. It is about what you can control. Hope is a perception, not a reality. YET, hope helps build positive realities.
Studies show high hopes are associated with…
…Greater probability of accomplishing your goals
…Less depression
…Less anxiety
…Increased pain tolerance
…More healthy behaviors
…Lower risk of cardiovascular disease
…Greater growth after trauma
All of us can use these things now. What’s more, hopeful people do not play the blame game.They do not view themselves as victims. Instead, hopeful people ask, ‘What now?’
A New Beginning. A Time To Re-evaluate.
Right now, you have been given the gift of time — time to revisit your self; time to take a deep look at who you are, where you are headed next, and why you are moving in that direction. You have been given the chance to disconnect from the normal addiction to urgency. This beautiful disconnection from the manic autopilot allows you to reset, re-evaluate and re-prioritize.
How do you CHOOSE to be when you emerge from your cocoon of self-isolation? Who do you want to be?
We spend so much of our lives walking as if in a daydream; stuck in urgent autopilot; mindlessly going through our routines. Who do YOU want to be? If you were to wake up? If you were to be given the gift of time to really reflect on what it is you want to do with the rest of your life? What lights you up? What excites you?
What Are Your Deepest Values?
I remember I was trying to get the critical importance of the idea of values across to a continuation high school once. And I thought long and hard…how do you get a group of 17 year olds who have failed out of traditional high school, who perhaps cannot see a positive future for themselves, to give a shit about values?
Here is what I came up with…
Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Inhale. Exhale.
Imagine you are in the ER, on the operating room table. You’re flatlining. Your spirit, your soul, the energy which animates you and gives you consciousness, leaves your body. And you are floating; hovering above your body, on the ceiling of the operatory. You look down at yourself, laying lifeless on the table. Now here is the question…
What values do you feel deeply enough to return to your body so that you may pursue them with purpose?
Why do you come back?
For what do you live?
Serving others? Wealth creation? Wisdom? Lifelong learning? Physical health? Family? Spirituality? Integrity? Social justice? Racial equality? Gender equality? Loving others? Environment?
For instance, due to the emergence of social media, two of the most cherished values of younger generations are the pursuit of wealth and fame. Are these truly the path to long-term happiness? Or is your long-term happiness better served by pursuing values such as serving others, kindness and time with family.
Three Parts To Hope
In these challenging times, you need to keep a finger on the pulse of hope; nourish it, cultivate it and seek it out.
So how do you create hope?
Dr. Rick Snyder is the Wright Distinguished Professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Kansas. Snyder is internationally famous for research in psychology. Dr. Snyder has studied hope for many years and, in his research, has identified 3 elements of hope…
Goal – something for which to hope and strive
Pathway – a plan to get to your goal
Agency – the will to act; energy; motivation; the belief you can do it!
Barriers To Hope
Hopelessness is a feeling we have all experienced. Hopelessness is the feeling which leads to thoughts like “I can’t deal with this,” “I can’t take this” or “I can’t do this.” Hopelessness arises for one of two reasons: Either you feel you don’t have the resources to get it done or you believe you can’t get it done.
You feel you don’t have the resources to get to the outcome you want. This is known as resource-focused hopelessness. This could mean you lack the knowledge, talent, budget or time to reach your goal. If this is the case, explore ways to increase the resources you are lacking, or substituting resources from another area. Choose to learn. Or ask for assistance in getting to the resources you need.
2) You don’t believe you can do it.
This is goal-focused hopelessness. You lack the confidence you can get it done.While you may feel you have the resources to do it, the goal feels overwhelming. You can tell when this is taking place when you hear thoughts such as “The goal is too big” or “I can’t imagine where to begin.” In this case, you want to break the project down into the smallest possible bite-size tasks. It may be as small as opening the book for homework, reading the first few pages, or writing the introductory paragraph for a RFP, or walking for 5 minutes a day.
Self affirmations are useful here as well. Statements such as “I got this,” or “I can handle this,” or “This is difficult AND I can do this.” Write them on post-its and put them everywhere. Put them on a 3×5 card and put it in your wallet. We need to counter the negativity bias of the human mind. One way to do that is via repetition.
So What Is There To Hope For Now?
So what can we possibly hope for right now, in the midst of worldwide pandemic in which we are banished to our homes?
You can choose the optimistic interpretation of the unfolding of this moment in history. When all is said and done, and we have defeated COVID-19, choose to believe that we will have a newfound gratitude for the small things – coffee with a friend, the freedom to go to the gym, shopping at the supermarket, toilet paper, and pleasant interactions with strangers. And we will rediscover the value of the big things – an understanding of how deeply interconnected we are, hugs, touch, friends, family, social gatherings, meaningful work, and serving others to name a few.
What Else Might We Hope For Now?
In these uncertain times of a pandemic, we may have to be a little more creative in coming up with goals to fuel hope. So here are some more ideas to get you going.
Practice Global Perspective. It’s my belief that one of the silver linings to this is more of us will learn to adopt a global perspective rather than the “Us vs. Them” mindset. Let’s be clear, this pandemic is not an “us vs. them” moment. This is a “We” moment. This is a moment of the world vs. the coronavirus. The virus doesn’t care about national boundaries, or gender, or race. This is a moment for us to come together; to understand just how deeply interconnected we are as a species, even across species. The more we can expand our thinking to be inclusive of everyone and every living creature in the world, the better off we are. Focus on extending compassion to all by heroically doing your part to ensure we defeat COVID-19. Do your part by washing your hands, staying at home and practicing social distancing to protect yourself, your loved ones and the people around you. Do your part by choosing to adopt a “We” mindset.
Make Use Of Time. You have been given the gift of time — time to learn new skills. Time to practice mindfulness. Time to learn to be still, to be with ourselves in a peaceful and self-compassionate manner. Time to rekindle friendships via Zoom or FaceTime or Skype.
Self-Improvement. A renewed focus on mental health, well-being, self-care, physical health.
The Big Takeaways
1. Don’t be afraid to hope! Undo old messages from childhood such as “Don’t get your hopes up.” No. Wrong. Get your hopes up!
2. Set personally meaningful goals – eat healthy, work out regularly, set a daily routine, call loved ones, write, paint, draw, meditate, learn a new skill or language, and so on.
3. Be aware of where hope breaks down and mend the break —
Is it your path to get there? Is it energy and motivation? Is it your belief in your self? Is it a lack of resources? Find out where the gap is and fill it.
4. Allow yourself time to daydream – Daydreaming is a great source of hope and aspiration and motivation. It is a great way to brainstorm. Write down thoughts and passions that occur while daydreaming. Fantasize about what your best possible life looks like. Daydream how you might solve your biggest issue in life. Write down any solution you come up with without judging it. You can evaluate them later. Daydreaming activates the default network in the brain which is often the seat of brilliant ideas and solutions to complex problems in your life.
The Exercise To Begin With:
1 Door Closes, 1 Door Opens Exercise
Think of 3 times you lost out on something important.Write down all three of them.What door was closed to you at that moment? What door opened as a result of that happening? How did you change from that experience? Do you recognize any benefits for which you are now grateful? This exercise helps you to recognize that hardships often bring benefits and can help you incorporate previously traumatic experiences into your current story in a positive manner. It helps you to find gratitude, value and satisfaction with your present situation. This fuels post-traumatic growth.
If you are struggling finding your hope right now, please feel free to listen to the Evolved Caveman podcast, or reach out to me at GuideToSelf.com.
Let me close with a quote from the insightful poet Emily Dickinson…“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all.”
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