By Dr. John Schinnerer
LoveIsntEnough.net | TheEvolvedCaveman.com | GuideToSelf.com | JoreeRose.com | MindfulnessAndTherapyCenter.com
Alright, you beautiful recovering doormat—you made it to Part 3 of how to stop being a people pleaser. Gold star for you!
In Part 1, we dragged guilt and busted the myth of being “nice.”
In Part 2, we ripped the bandaid off the real emotional junk—conflict avoidance, chronic loneliness, and the slow-burn rage known as resentment.
Now? We go for the jugular: Your needs.
(Yeah, those things you’ve been pretending don’t exist.)
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6. “I Don’t Know What I Need”—Said Every People Pleaser Ever
You’ve spent so long decoding everyone else’s moods, you can’t even tell if you’re hungry, tired, or seconds away from a total meltdown.
Why?
Because being a people pleaser means you were trained—explicitly or subtly—to ignore yourself.
Your wants? Too much.
Your pain? Inconvenient.
Your needs? LOL.
So you got really, really good at:
Smiling while seething
Saying “I’m fine” on emotional fire
Prioritizing everyone else’s drama over your own damn sanity
Let’s call it what it is: emotional self-erasure.
And it’s not noble. It’s tragic.
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Want to Get Real? Start Here:
Ask yourself the questions you’ve been avoiding:
What am I feeling right now? (And don’t say “fine.” That’s not a feeling.)
What do I actually want—not what’s expected of me?
What’s pissing me off, draining me, or quietly killing me—and have I said a single word about it?
Your true voice is still in there. Buried under decades of “sure, whatever you want.”
Start listening for the whispers:
“I need a break.”
“I’m exhausted.”
“I hate this.”
“I want more.”
That’s not selfish. That’s your soul waking up.
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Spoiler Alert: Needs Aren’t Optional
Your needs are like bills—you can ignore them, but you’ll pay for it eventually.
The cost? Chronic burnout, resentment, and relationships built entirely on self-abandonment.
You think ignoring your needs makes you lovable? Nah. It just makes you exhausting to be around because you eventually implode or quietly fade out of your own life.
Reclaiming your needs = reclaiming your damn humanity.
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PSA: People Pleasing Is a Trauma Response, Not Your Personality
This part is important, so read it twice:
You’re not “just a nice person.”
You’re a survivalist.
You learned to please because it felt safer than being honest, needy, or inconvenient.
But here’s the thing:
You’re not 7 years old anymore. You don’t have to keep playing that rigged game.
You can unlearn the contortion act and show up as your actual self.
Not a caretaker.
Not a fixer.
Not the emotional support dog for everyone’s dysfunction.
Just… you.
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The Way Forward (AKA What Healing Actually Looks Like)
Let’s get specific. Healing people pleasing isn’t a spa day—it’s gritty inner work like:
✅ Saying “no” and then not explaining for 20 minutes afterward
✅ Letting people be disappointed (they’ll survive)
✅ Asking for what you want even if it feels like you’re gonna puke
✅ Choosing rest over proving your worth
✅ Telling the damn truth even if your voice cracks like puberty
None of this makes you selfish.
It makes you whole.
Because when you stop ghosting on yourself to keep everyone else happy, you make space for real connection—the kind where you don’t have to disappear to be loved.
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Final Mic Drop
If you’ve stuck with us through this 3-part truth bomb series, kudos. You’re not the same person you were when you started—and that’s the point.
You’re allowed to want more.
You’re allowed to need things.
You’re allowed to be the full, messy, powerful human you were before guilt got its claws in you.
Now go give that permission slip to your damn self.
And if this hit home? Share it.
Someone else is out there still playing emotional Twister—and they need to know they’re not alone.
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Wanna Climb Higher Up The Happiness Hill ? Here’s Where To Begin Your Ascent:
😡 For info on Dr. John’s Ultimate Online Anger Management Class (which has over 20,000 graduates!), visit his High Performer Shop.
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👉 MindfulnessAndTherapyCenter.com
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